Quirks and other odd things about me

So, I have a new website, and new blog so I thought maybe I should add some new content and have you get to know me a little better.  Everyone has quirks, so I thought I would share some of mine.  Don't judge!

• If you read a few posts back you know that I suffer from anxiety.  It's the worst and I hate it and at any given moment I could be worrying about something really stupid or something really big.  Funny story though, when I had my son Owen, the hospital made all new parents watch a video on shaken baby syndrome, and then you had to sign a waiver saying you had watched it before they would discharge you from the hospital.  So, there I am in the bed with my newborn baby on my chest, and something made me laugh, and I mean I started to laugh hysterically.  And I looked down and see my new precious baby boy's head bounce furiously up and down on my chest.  You can see where this is going right?  Yes, I asked the pediatrician if laughing with my son sleeping on my chest could give him shaken baby syndrome.  She was so kind and didn't laugh in my face and kindly said "NO sweetie, he will be fine." So yeah, those are the types of things I worry about lol.
• I use about 3-5 napkins with every meal.  One for my lap, one or two for my hands and another for my face.  Maybe it is because I am a messy eater? I mean as I typed this I dropped raspberry jam on my shorts, I don't know what it is, but I like I a lot of napkins.
• I am very sensitive, but I don't cry easily, especially when watching tv or movies.  My mom says I have ice-water in my veins.  I will say that Grey's Anatomy makes me cry most episodes, damn that Shonda Rhimes!    
• Speaking of being sensitive, I am also what my husband likes to call "passionate" about things.  I will fight to the death if I know I am right and I have been shushed at restaurants when telling a story or recalling an incident that really pissed me off.  I know people can be put off by this, and I'm sorry, I just have a lot of passion lol.
• I hate crowds, which makes me not like going to places where large crowds gather, such as but not limited to: parade, firework displays, fairs, sporting events, etc.

Long Island Town Hall Wedding- J&J

About once a year I have photographed a wedding. I don't photograph traditional, large venue weddings, but intimate non-traditional weddings, and I LOVE it! Witnessing two people devote themselves to each other is such a blessing. I love being able to capture their love and commitment to each other. If you are having a town hall, backyard or small intimate wedding, feel free to contact me, but if you are having the large venue traditional wedding, I am not your girl, but I can certainly point you in the right direction of a great friend and amazing photographer who is. Don't get me wrong, I love traditional weddings, I had one myself. This amazing couple I met a few years ago through my good friend. She told me when the time came her sister wanted time to photograph her wedding, so I waited. I waited for her to get engaged, then I waited for her to set a date and destination (because that is what she thought she was going to do) and then plans changed and they asked me to photograph their wedding at the Town Hall, and I couldn't wait! Jackie and Jamie are such an amazing couple with the cutest son! Watching their son get to see his parents get married was adorable. He gave a huge "WHOOP" when they were finally pronounced married.

High Anxiety

I have been on the fence about sharing this, some would say I have some anxiety about it lol.  But in all seriousness, I felt vulnerable putting this post out there.   But, it also felt really invigorating and exciting to share it, knowing that so many others suffer through anxiety as I do, and that this might touch them, even just a little bit. So, here goes, I suffer from anxiety.  

When I say suffer, I don’t just mean that I have anxiety or I was diagnosed to have anxiety, I mean I really SUFFER from anxiety.  As far back as I can remember, I can remember being an anxious person.  I take my worrying to a whole new level.  I perseverate, I fixate, I obsess.  My husband often says, “you’re not living unless you are worrying about something”, he knows me so well.

It can be the littlest thing that sets me off.  Sometimes I have even forgotten what I was worried about, and then I worry that I can’t remember what I was worried about, it’s horrible!  My mother doesn’t suffer from this horrible mind sucking abyss of anxiety.  And while I am glad she doesn’t have to live like this, there are parts of me that hates her for it, because when she says “you need to stop” or “try and turn it off” I wish she would understand the turmoil that was inside of me.  As if I hadn’t thought, “gee that’s a great idea, I should just stop.”

There is no end to anxiety, just transference, like energy.  For example, two years ago my new barnwood dining table seemed to possibly be infested with some sort of bug.  At first we thougth it was termites, and after spraying it and dragging it out in the snow the exterminator told us it wasn’t infested with termites and going to eat my whole house.  So when I found out that the table didn’t have termites, I didn’t just feel instant relief, instead I shifted my anxiety little.  Ok, so it doesnt have termites, great, but wait, uh oh, did I damage to the table by spraying it with that bug spray, the legs feel a little loose now that we moved it, will it fall apart?  UGH! My anxiety just seems to shift focus.  

I am pretty vocal about my anxiety, partly because I am an oversharer and partly because talking about things makes me feel better about them.  I voice what I am anxious about so hopefully I will hear someone share a similiar experience that had a positive outcome to help me calm my fears.  And may lightning strike you down if you share that it had a negative outcome because that just dials my anxiety up to a level of a million.  

As the years have gone by I have learned how to cope with my anxiety, and at one point I was on lexapro.  For three years I was on lexapro, and while it helped my anxiety it had other side-effects which ultimately led me to go off the lexapro, and now I am back to trying to live with my anxiety.  I have found that reading, taking a bath, doing yoga, are ways to help me cope with my anxiety.  Keeping my brain busy helps a lot.  I wish that I could just make it disappear, but I know that will never happen.  I have developed tinnitus, which if you didnt know is ringing in the ear.  My ENT thinks it is because I have TMJ and clench my jaw when I am sleeping.  This is caused by my anxiety, I of worry it’s brain tumor.   Do you suffer from anxiety?  Do you lay at night awake with thoughts you just can’t turn off that have no real logic?  How do you cope?  If you do, then know that at 3 am when you are tossing and turning not being able to change your thoughts or turn off your brain, that you are not alone.  I am probably laying under my gray and white paisley duvet worrying about something ridiculous.

And just to make you laugh, some great memes about anxiety.

Long Island Lifestyle Newborn Session Baby Olivia

Oh my goodness, when I pulled up to this house and saw all the amazing windows I think I might have actually drooled. This house was a photographer's dream, huge big windows everywhere and white walls, I mean the light was a dream, and thank goodness because this day was so overcast with flurries, so I was nervous how much available natural light I would have. That's the downside to doing lifestyle sessions, you never know what the lighting situation is going to be, but usually all I need is one good window. As for this family, they were just so much fun to photograph, they were laid back and so sweet and really just a joy to be around. Even crying little Olivia is just adorable! Don't you love the face of a newborn crying? Is it just me? I don't like that they are upset but the conviction and emotion that they emit is just amazing at only a few days old. They certainly know what they want!

Long Island Indoor Lifestyle Photography Session Reyes Family

So I know I have talked about this a lot, and you might not want to hear about it again, but I seriously LOVE doing indoor lifestyle sessions in my clients' homes. Here's the thing, you feel most comfortable in your home, which lends itself to getting more natural photographs of your family interacting and being together. Kids, especially very young children, feel more comfortable in their home. When the children are comfortable the photography session goes really smoothly and who doesn't want a smooth and easy photography session. And since the kids are relaxed, mom and dad become relaxed; win, win, win, I say! I think most people hesitate to do an indoor session in their homes because we all get hung up on the things we don't feel are "picture worthy" in our homes, maybe it's not as clean as you want it to be, or there is an area of your home that you don't really feel is decorated well, or you have messy kids, like me, and your house is always a little bit of a mess. I get it, I live the same way you do, but your house doesn't have to be perfect for an in-home session, I promise you. I tell clients to tell me the rooms that are off limits, for me that is my office, it is so horribly overcrowded with crap, I would NEVER want it to be photographed, but my kitchen can be de-cluttered in about 5 minutes and gets great light. Plus a lot can be cropped out, trust me, that pile of clothes over in the corner of the room gets hidden by the bed. But being at home can be so wonderful because I get to capture your baby carrying her blankey, or that arms up that they do when they want you to lift them out of their crib, or the way they like to make silly faces in the hallway mirror. These are the images you will cherish when they are older and their blanket that they had to take everywhere is now somewhere under their bed collecting dust because they haven't needed it to sleep in 5 years.